When We Must Choose . . .

Have you ever noticed the amount of choices we each make on a daily basis?  Think back through your day, your week or even this past year and try to reflect on the multitude of choices you make in life.  We are inundated with choices.  Sometimes that's a good thing and other times it's just overwhelming.  Sometimes it's empowering to realize how much control you have and other times it's intimidating to realize how much responsibility rests on your choices.  Either way, the fact is we all make choices, whether we realize it or not.  Even when we feel we "have no choice," oftentimes we really do have a choice, it's just that the consequences of one of the options might seem to leave us "no other option." 

Amy and I see this play out everyday with our 4-year-old, Eli.  We try really hard to parent with "Love and Logic."  The basis of this parenting philosophy is to empower your kids to make decisions now when the consequences aren't so monumental so they learn to make the right decisions later on.  For instance, when disciplining our kids we give them a choice:  "You're welcome to throw a fit if you want to, but if you choose to throw a fit you need to do it in your room."  So Eli's been given a choice.  Can you see what the choice is?  He can choose to throw his fit or he can choose to not throw his fit.  But, the consequences of throwing that fit include the parameters of him doing so in his room.  It's his choice.  It doesn't matter to us either way.  There's a lot more to it, but that's just one example. 

What about us adults?

There are very few things we do where we don't have a choice.  This time of year you might say, "Well we have to pay taxes."  No, we don't.  We don't have to pay taxes.  No one is going to hold a gun to your head and force you to pay your taxes.  You can choose to pay or not pay.  But, if you don't there are consequences of not paying.  You still have a choice.  You can choose to do your duty as a citizen or you can choose to face possible consequences.  Most choose to pay in order to avoid the consequences, but you still have a choice. 

"I have to go to work today."  No, you don't.  You can choose not to, but there are consequences.  You might lose your job if you don't go.  You might not get done what you have to get done.  You might upset your boss.  Your business might start to fail.  Those are the consequences.  When you choose to go to work you're not saying "I have to go to work," what you're really doing is making the choice to go because the consequences of not going to work outweigh the benefits. 

"I just don't have time for that."  No, you are choosing to spend your time on something else you've decided is more important. 

"We can't afford that right now."  No, you've decided you'd rather spend your money on something else. 

None of these are bad.  They just are what they are.  You decide how to spend your time and your money.  You have a choice.  What I'm referring to here is what we value.  We make decisions based on what we value most.  Our behavior is determined by what we value most.  It's not that you don't have enough time to spend with your kids, it's that you've decided spending time doing something else (work, facebook, poker night, golf) is more important than spending time with your kids.  It's not that you can't afford to give to charity, it's that you've decided something else (eating out, going on vacation, a new vehicle, your coffee) is more valuable to you than giving to charity.  Again, none of these are "bad," they just are what they are.  Let's just call it what it is. 

When we say "I have no choice," or "I don't have time," or "I don't have the money for that," what we are really doing is trying to deflect responsibility for our own choices.  If we have no choice then there's nothing we can do about it . . . the responsibility rests somewhere else.  If we say we don't have time then we are really placing blame on the clock instead of taking responsibility for our own decisions.  It's not our wallet's fault that there's no money left. 

We're really good at placing blame and not so good at taking responsibility.  Everything seems to be someone or something else's fault. 

"He makes me so mad!"  No, you chose to be angry over what he did.

We may not have much of a choice in what happens to us in life but we certainly have control over how we respond to it.  Tuesday marked three months since we lost Thomas.  We've made a lot of choices since that morning we found him dead.  Some choices are ones we never thought we'd have to make for one of our kids (what funeral home to use, where to bury him, when the funeral would be, what to put on the head stone), but they were choices nonetheless. 

We also had to make a choice on how we would respond to this storm.  Do we crawl in a hole and die?  Do we shut ourselves off from the rest of the world because it's just easier?  Do we curse God and blame Him for taking our son early?  Do we search for someone to blame?  Should our doctor have seen something?  Did the paramedics do enough?  Did they do everything they could have done in the ER?  Should we have seen something?  Surely someone is to blame, right?  Maybe not.  We decided to stop looking for blame and chose to focus on what we could control. 

We have a choice. 

Amy and I decided to trust.  We chose to trust that God knows what he's doing.  We decided to trust that God knows and sees much more than we do.  We chose to put our faith in the fact that God will take this and use it for good . . . somehow. 

We are not super-human.  We don't have some sort of "extraordinary faith."  If anything we are more humbled and broken than we've ever been before.  It still hurts--really bad.  We still have a hard time getting through some days.  It will never be easy, but we still have a choice to make.  You just can't avoid some choices. 

So . . . We choose hope.  We choose to trust.  We choose joy.  We choose faith.  We choose peace.  

Those are choices we can live with.