It intrigues me how time passes. There are instances when you look back on life and time just seems to fly by. There are other moments when time just seems to stand still. I guess technically time continues in the same increments, it's just that our perception of time can make those increments of time seem to pass at different speeds, depending on the situation. If you're given a month to prepare for your wedding it will fly by. Given a month to get a huge project done or plan for a big event and a month isn't even close to enough time . . . it will come so fast you don't even have time to blink. But, given a month to wait for your next paycheck or the arrival of your first child, and a month will seem like an eternity.
Nine months seems like a really long time to me. You wait on the birth of your child for nine months (I know, it's technically longer than that). A school year usually lasts about nine months--an entire school year! If you're a sports fan, an entire season doesn't even last nine months.
Nine months can seem like a really long time, unless you're looking back at a significant and life-changing event.
Why do these life-changing events seem so much closer in our memories than they really are? Was anyone else blown away by the fact that it's been 12 years since those planes crashed into the World Trade Center and Pentagon? It's been 18 years since the Oklahoma City bombing. Hurricane Katrina made landfall over 8 years ago. Osama Bin Laden was killed well over 2 years ago. I can't imagine what it's like for those of you who experienced events such as the assassination of President Kennedy (50 years ago, this November), the first lunar landing (over 40 years ago), and the Vietnam War (over 50 years ago). These events get etched into the stone tablets of our minds--never to be forgotten. We can remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news or saw the footage on television. We remember who we were with and the circumstances surrounding those situations. We can remember the thoughts and feelings which accompanied these occurrences. They seem like they happened "just yesterday" because for some reason we can go "back there" in our minds. Those events are so entangled with our emotions that our minds somehow are able to hold on to them in a way that allows us to experience them again and again . . . making it feel like we were "just there." If we were "just there," then there's "no way that happened only 12 years ago!" But it did.
Today marks 9 months since our 21-month-old son, Thomas, passed away in his sleep. There's no way it's been that long. The emotions and feelings are still there like it happened this morning. The people and circumstances which made up those moments are so real I can fully experience them again and again and again . . . and I do.
But it's not all bad. There must be a reason why God made us this way. He made us to feel these things. He made us so that these memories of events such as these would feel very real for the rest of our lives. Time moves forward but for some reason it doesn't erase those memories. Why not?
Some of you remember when your spouse told you it was over. Others of you remember when your parents told you their marriage was over. Perhaps it was a diagnosis you weren't ready for, someone who took advantage of you and hurt you big time, or maybe you experienced that phone call you never thought you would get--news that turned your world upside down. Whatever it is, it's there and it's not going away. Why?
I don't have those answers, but I wonder . . .
I wonder if God made us this way so we could fully appreciate what we do have. What if our mind's ability to keep those tragic events so near is actually a way of helping us remember that this world is a broken place and oftentimes makes very little sense? What if it's God's way of keeping us focused on the right things?
I don't know, I just wonder . . .
When I think of that morning on December 12, 2012 it reminds me to make more time for my kids. It reminds me of the love and support of family and friends. It reminds me that I'm married to the strongest, yet most gentle and loving woman. It reminds me not to take most things in life too seriously. It reminds me to enjoy and take advantage of the moments we do have.
Most importantly, it reminds me that God does not abandon us in these days. He walks with us through our darkest of times, and sometimes He even carries us. In those moments when the fog sets in He's still the One who painted those white lines and knows exactly where the road leads . . . even when we can't see.
