When The Pieces Fit . . . Sort of . . .

I despise Valentine's Day.  In fact, I just cringed a little bit after deciding to go ahead and capitalize those two words in order to maintain "proper" grammar.  "Despise" might be a little strong, but the fact is holidays like today annoy me a little bit.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about celebrating love in our lives.  I'm all for recognizing moms on Mother's Day and dads on Father's Day, and I'm even ok with celebrating birthdays . . .  although I still think that being recognized because you were born is a bit over the top.  Congratulations, you were . . . uh . . . born on this day?  So you didn't do anything but come into the world?  Perhaps we should recognize the moms who went through all the pain just to bring you into this world on this particular day.  In fact, maybe Mother's Day should be celebrated on each anniversary of the day they brought each child into this world.  Moms?  I should talk to Hallmark. I might be on to something other than my own soapbox.  Anyway . . .

The fact is these "holidays" just bug me.  Is recognizing the love my life really best set aside for just one day per year?  Or is it just that Hallmark, jewelry stores, flower shops and other retail establishments have done a phenomenal job of marketing this day in such a way that we've arrived to a point where if one doesn't recognize these days then the non-recipient feels jaded, forgotten and rejected?  No wonder they are multi-billion-dollar companies!

I say a lot of this tongue-and-cheek.  I do think it's important to recognize those in your life who are meaningful to you.  I guess I just feel like it's more important to recognize those people throughout the year and on a regular basis.  Seriously, would you rather your loved ones remember you on a specific day when they are "supposed" to remember you or would you rather know that they remember you all the time?  Anyone can look at a calendar and be reminded to send out a birthday card, but is a birthday card more meaningful than a random note on a random day?

Don't even get me started on Christmas cards.

So I'm going to go against my own will here.  On this Valentine's Day (cringe) I'm going to spend a few moments recognizing the love of my life.  I've written extensively about my four kids, but haven't used a lot of space talking about my wife, Amy.

Back in college (when I didn't know any better and was still trying to impress her) I wrote the following poem for her and had her roommate place it in her dorm room with a dozen roses.  She's not really the rose type, so I decided I needed to do a little bit more.  Here's what I wrote:

The dark and dreary clouds drifted away.  
The chills and bitter cold that had befallen me for the longest time were instantly extinguished by the sun's rays that fell gently on my flesh, and this warm and soothing feeling came over my entire body.
Where before I had been shivering and chattering teeth, I now had an overwhelming warmth that I had never experienced.  
And at that instant I knew I would never be cold again.

I felt a raindrop.
I could smell the rain in the air and it smelled sweeter than anything I had ever smelled before.
Then, the dry and barren desert that had dominated my life turned into plush, green rolling hills with streams of cool, fresh spring water inhabiting them.  
The hard grains of sand that once pierced my dry, cracked feet were now replaced with luscious fields of soft green grass that slithered in between my toes.
The sticks and reeds that before had been punished and pummeled by the dust were now sunflowers, roses and trees--reaching for the same sun that had satisfied me.  
The dry air was replaced with a gentle, soothing breeze that massaged my skin and made the grass sway back and forth so as to say everything was perfect--and it was.

All of this happened on the same day. 
The day when my life was changed forever, when all of my worries and fears vanished. 
It was the day when my one dream, my only wish came true; 
It was the day we fell in love.
You are my gentle warming sunshine . . .
My cool, satisfying rain . . .
My soft, soothing breeze . . .
And I love you, Amy.  

I gave this to Amy 15 years ago today.  I share this not to bring attention to my writing, but to bring attention to the fact that my wife, Amy, has continued to be the sunshine amidst the cold, the rain in my barren desert, and the soothing breeze when I find myself in the fire of life.

This poem takes on new meaning for me in light of the passing of our youngest son, Thomas.  Everything takes on new meaning when viewed through that lens.  When Amy and I stood in that small church in Topeka, Kansas on December 18th, 1999 we said that we would stay by each other "for better or for worse."  I always envisioned "worse" being disagreements, financial problems or a sickness that would hit one of us while the other stuck close through it.  I never imagined that "worse" would be something we would experience together.  I never imagined that in one moment both of our hearts would lay shattered, together, and that the same piece of our hearts would be lost for the remainder of our time on earth.

But what I'm seeing is that the pieces of our broken hearts are spread out together.  I can't tell the difference between the pieces of my heart and the pieces of Amy's heart . . . and I don't think it matters. The pieces of my heart fit pretty well with the pieces of her heart.  It's like a mosaic coming together.  God is taking the broken pieces and--although still broken--He is putting them back together in such a way that we're starting to see that there just might be a beautiful masterpiece come from all of these broken pieces.  God has a way of doing that--you know, making a masterpiece out of our brokenness.  

Amy, I remember telling you several years ago that I didn't believe in the notion that there was one person out there who was the "perfect" match for me.  You didn't like that too much.  I probably shouldn't have said it.  Not because I didn't really believe it, but because I was wrong.  Our pieces fit together perfectly.

Maybe this whole Valentine's Day thing isn't so bad after all.  I guess if it reminds us to spend a little extra time contemplating and showing our love for each other, then that can't be a bad thing.

Perhaps I'll run out and get a card . . .